Positive Thinking: A Cloak for Denial

Positive Thinking: A Cloak for Denial

We all see the meme’s suggesting thinking positive will help when you are in a storm of negativity. Although positive thinking does have its benefits, I suggest it serves to deny our experience. To where if you press the feeling down, they are stored up becoming the lens to which you see.

It was this past summer, in the fourth-year post divorce, where my stuffed down anger spilled into rage. That seemingly bottomless pit of anger I held for my ex-husband, spraying ruin everywhere.

I decided long ago I would put on the face of forgiveness. It was forced, much like thinking positive when you are in a storm. I did so, because I wanted to date again, and knew carrying around my victim badge was not a recipe for love. It was a lie.

The secret to healthy living is allowing.

Anger at my ex-husband is a human response to oppression, to hurt. For me, allowing feelings requires action.

In the book The Body Keeps the Score[1], Bessel van der Kolk shares that art is the pathway for healing. As is my practice every day, I use inspiration from music and awe-inspiring nature to plug me in. Oh, and writing. Allowing my thoughts, pointers to feelings to bubble, I am exposed. And then I lay in stillness, allowing them to course through my sensory body.

And like a ship in the night, they will pass. Only then can forgiveness find me. Forgiveness being the currency for loving relationships. Wishing you all a day of calm allowance, the pathway to joy.

[1] Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. (2015). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma, Penguin Books.