Living in Truth

This journey to wholeness can feel lonely. Once revered, surrounded by countless friends and family members, going from 300 Facebook “friends” to 15. Where those birthday greetings so numerous being a fake version of myself are gone. Surrendering to sin, facing myself, unloading decades of shame begs me to be authentic in my relationships. The problem is; the people who surround you are still lost in their programming. The lies people exist in, created by their upbringing begs for pleasure over pain. Sticking their heads in the sand, keeping judgments hidden, being kind instead.

Stuffing all we won’t face because the truth is risky. When you become whole, living in truth, lies shine on you brilliantly. People have this mistaken notion that their feelings are their own, and since they don’t want to face them, they become deception instead. Pretending to love you but presenting themselves as someone else. Each time I allow this, turning from truth, I am clobbered with pain. Love does not exist in fantasy.

The sun setting on the Hudson river, reflecting the end of another day in this journey to love, living only in truth.

Living in truth, being honest with one another requires great courage. Reality can be unpopular as Taylor Swift lyricized in her song, Snow on the Beach, “Life is emotionally abusive . . .” Recently, confronting a beloved sister, sharing my feelings when faced with deception I received a thorough lashing for it, being called, “Abusive.” I was stymied by this, as I was guilty of only sharing the pain of deception, being hurt.

We are ALL connected, this thread of energy beating from our hearts, coming through God. Humans acting as mirrors where the pain I shined was picked up as abuse. My message sent with a careful dance of non-judgement and forgiveness, where now I have one less confidante in the world. My world is small already, and losing someone again is the worst kind of heartbreak. What I have learned about becoming whole is once you have crossed that bridge, your soul becomes intolerant of anything less than love. Deception feels like many knives piercing your heart all at once. The only choice is to be love in this human fealty. The first truth, loving yourself trusting that God rules, begging forgiveness in this cruel world.