Happy New Year?

A Blog for Processing Grief

When passing through tough times, the world keeps spinning.  The holidays come with the words Merry and Happy tossed around everywhere. Inside you feel far from Merry and what is happiness anyway?

If you are feeling this, keep reading. If you are naturally happy all the time, annoying your friends and family, you might want to skip this one. But thank you for spreading joy in the world!

To step into a new state of being, you must honor loss. Looking back at them and feeling your emotions. It’s not easy really, we humans loathe pain! The path to happiness requires room in that sensory human body of yours. Carrying grief will assuredly keep you from it.

2023 was a year of great loss, releasing dead weight of a life that no longer suited me. It’s a clearing really, like emptying a room. Now you get to paint it with brilliant brushstrokes of a life designed by you.

My experience with grief indicates it is the outcome of separation. Separation is how we come into our humanity, affecting our interaction with the environment. My morning work, getting into my heart and connecting is the set up for the day. With the intensity of Christmas, it wore off quickly, then the mind got in there questioning everything. Connection is knowing something is there, but you can't see it. It is only felt with the heart. Too much intensity, plugged into the external and the connection slips, rendering me overwhelmed.

It was when my golden retriever, Daisy died, the most loyal dog. The loss left a crater in my chest, a pain unlike any other, despairing for days. I heard a song, feeling like she was singing to me. It was a classic, gushy love song by Whitney Houston, "I have nothing."  https://youtu.be/FxYw0XPEoKE?si=3I7Mse3YB4PZnnKR

Daisy knew me intimately, my movements, my quirks, my habits. A dog is the safest intimacy as they can't betray you! People believe with death; you must let them go. That is the illusion. The song inspired wisdom; I don't have to have Daisy here to love her. When I want time with her, I experience it from memory, taking her with me. The song implored without continued love, Daisy will suffer being forgotten. I owe it to her to keep her alive inside of me, with love.

We would jog together, where I know her movements well. On my run, I pictured her on my route. Her slowing down going down a hill behind me, her ahead when we climbed one, and her pulling at me if I dared to stop. Her nails clacking on the cement, her excitement when she found a lizard to chase, and her ears perking when she saw nature. Once I got the lesson, my pain decreased. Where I hear her deep sigh as she settles on the floor, and I relax into sleep. She is a precious gift and I take her with me. And now there is no grief because she is not gone. And when I do that, I get much more. She appears in my dreams and gives a spark to my heart. Reality is created in our hearts.

You need not lose anyone really. When you have them in your mind, experience them. Remember them. Walk yourself through a fond memory. Speak to them. They are speaking to you if you just listen. You need not “see” them. You close your eyes and feel their arms around you and breathe knowing they are there. And they keep filling you, slaying the empty dread.

So, I throw out this 2023 calendar because the losses are passed. A New Year is about hope. It is a lift from the spirit collectively shared on a holiday that sparks you into a new chapter. Next week I will reflect on building dreams. Wishing you a Happy New Year!