Blog Post One

Recently, I had my best friend ask me, “How did you do it?” This question, from the person who taught me about transformation, surprised me. More pointedly, she wanted to know how I stayed motivated those six months, retreated from the world. What I can honestly say is, just like I was forced by pain into resigning from my counseling job, so too I was forced to write. It was the inspiration dragging me for months, begging me to sit at my desk, tapping into my heart, and letting the words flow. Creation woke me in the middle of the night. It didn’t care about sleep, food, or even my mood. It spoke in my dreams, and it spoke without my permission.

The practice of falling in love with my dreams in meditation, plugged into the darkness was the small action I took daily. It was combined with a belief, the belief that I deserve it. Supremely loved by the divine. I had to cast aside all thoughts that told me I wasn’t good enough. Even in writing, the thoughts would pick at me to subscribe to the belief, “My writing is terrible!”. I ignored them, and just kept at it. I discovered that to write is to let go of all judgement. I was not permitted to read and criticize the words, only to let them out. On the occasion I would find myself there, trying to ax my writings, the document would wig out, refusing the smaller self to rule.

Trust was the philosophy used for creation. The knowing that this project was divinely guided, and I didn’t have to worry about the outcome. I am fiercely protected, guided by my heart with courage. It is a shift from head living to heart living. The head screaming loudly, begging to be in charge. The heart though, where God resides, always wins.

Even today, the mind scoffs at the idea that I am the “Queen” emblazoned on the cover of the book. Even the title, in my mind, seems grandiose. It says, “Who are you to say you are Queen?” What I have discovered is, in God’s eyes, we are all royalty. Supremely loved, steadfastly held even in the darkest moments, I am in awe! Never in my wildest dreams did the little girl inside believe that God had enough time to remember her.

That is the task, my friends, to remember who we are. We all started out as a thought, brought into the world completely whole. Then the world got a hold of us, bringing us to our worst tendencies guided by fear. I was always a writer. So, when the morning comes, and your thoughts tell you how small and imperfect you are, tuck your chin and bring your attention to your heart. Get quiet and still, settle into the darkness where God resides. Simply breathe and feel and allow that love to envelop you. You can’t get it wrong!